A few years ago, on a flight from Delhi to Chennai, a British tourist sitting next to me asked, “Where have all the elephants gone?” I stared blankly as he continued. “You know? The elephants with red carpets on them, them snake charmers and those levitating yogis. I saw none of that. I am not even sure if I am in India,” he whispered, genuinely anguished.
He would have liked Kung Fu Yoga.
The movie is all about that India, filled with exotic princesses perpetually clad in shiny jewels and shararas, and an elusive golden statue of Lord Shiva. There’s also a rather tired Jackie Chan in it with his classic kung fu moves and comedy in tow.
*****
The film opens with scenes from (what appears to be) a centuries old tale, recreated using (what most certainly is) centuries old CGI. An evil king tries to plunder the Magadha Kingdom. On the other side stands a Chinese warrior (Jackie Chan) who catches arrows with ease and kicks ten men at a time. The evil king runs away in response. The warrior is given the key to the kingdom’s treasures – a pink glowing diamond – to protect.
Cut to modern day and you find a bored Jack (Jackie Chan), one of China’s best archaeologists, teaching a class. His students are equally bored. Jack is fond of history but lacks the motive, until Indian prodigy and fellow-archaeologist Ashmita (Disha Patani) enters his life. She wants to help find the Magadha Kingdom that now lies buried underneath an icy lake in Tibet.
Amid icy mountain caps, frozen lakes and snowfalls, they find the treasure but now have to face the villain, Randall (Sonu Sood), who claims he’s a direct descendant of the Magadha king.
A chase ensues. A hunt begins. And they dance, all of them together. The film does not try to hide its inspirations, with Chan’s character professing his love for Indiana Jones when trying to open the secret temple (of doom?).
*****
From the poor CGI effects in the beginning to the Indian dance in saffron clothes amid snakes and lions at the end, Kung Fu Yoga would have been funny thirty years ago. Now, it is just ridiculous. So it is no surprise that all the Indians in the movie speak like Apu from The Simpsons and mutter ‘Om’ under their breath.
The title, too, is misleading. There really is not much yoga in the movie. Instead there are car chases and beach parties. There even is hyena fighting. Just not much Yoga. But this is India, where the entire population does yoga, so Kung Fu Yoga it is.
Om.
Also, accused of including pro-China Propaganda in the film in previous screenings, the filmmakers have ensured that the screening of the film in India has some of those dialogues not-so-subtly muted, thus saving Indian pride.
*****
For most part of the movie what’s oddly apparent is the awkward chemistry between the Chinese and Indian characters. While Chan’s character looks bored and tired in almost every scene, his eyes occasionally light up during the stunts. He maybe a little old for adrenaline-rushing action, but when it comes to kung fu fighting, Chan still stands out.
Disha Patani as Jack’s love interest is painfully awkward to watch. Conditioned perhaps by her pageant experience, she has a smile transfixed on her. Whether it’s saving a drowning Jack or fighting off villains, the smile remains fixed. And she delivers lines like she would answer questions at a beauty contest.
Recommended
Sonu Sood, in a role similar to the ones he plays regularly in Bollywood, delivers a relaxed and confident performance. The one key difference between his Bollywood roles and this one is in the accompanying scenery: Instead of being surrounded by women, he is now among exotic birds and animals.
*****
Also, why would an archaeologist put his life and $160 million at risk just to find out that the treasure is within all of us?
*****
The Kung Fu Yoga review is a Silverscreen original article. It was not paid for or commissioned by anyone associated with the movie. If you have any doubts about this, read the headline again. Silverscreen.in and its writers do not have any commercial relationship with movies that are reviewed on the site.